Today’s the day!
In honor of THE FORCE AWAKENS opening, here’s a short STAR WARS themed monologue I wrote for a theater in London.
Yoda Tries to Ride a Rollercoaster
by John Weagly
An amusement park. YODA reaches the front of the line for the Screaming Bantha rollercoaster. The amusement park attendant stops him.)
Board this Screaming Bantha rollercoaster I wish to do. The Tatooine Tumbler have I ridden. And the Womp Rat Wipeout. And the Besbin Bumper Boats. Now steep drops and loop-de-loops do I desire.
Tall enough I am not?
How tall does one have to be? Forty-eight inches?
Height! What is height? Inches not make one tall.
In line for forty-five minutes I have stood and you tell me tall enough I am not?
Nine-hundred years old am I.
Spoken at the Galactic Senate I have.
Lifted x-wing fighters from gluttonous bogs I have.
Helped defeat the malevolent Empire I have.
And tell me I’m not tall enough to ride the Screaming Bantha rollercoaster you do?
Very un-Jedi this is, but into a Sarlacc Pit go jump.
(YODA storms off in a huff.