Actor, Author, Playwright
The Glory and Confusion of Being a Produced Playwright

The Glory and Confusion of Being a Produced Playwright

Before I get underway, let me say that any theater company that chooses to produce my work is obviously comprised of geniuses and I love them and owe them my undying gratitude. If I come off as negative in this post, I don’t mean to. I’m just bewildered.

On Friday night (11/13/9) Hunger Artists Theatre Company in Fullerton, California ( did a play I wrote and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it.

They’re doing an evening of short pieces called BEYOND CONVENTION III. The idea behind the evening is to present stuff that breaks “standard theatrical form.” Last Monday they sent out a newsletter looking for “Twitter Plays,” plays written with 140 characters or less. They’d be choosing three Twitter Plays a night to do with each performance.

I thought it was a kind-of interesting, kind-of weird idea, but didn’t necessarily plan to do anything about it.

Later that day, I came up with a simple dialogue exchange while I was in the shower (I come up with lots of bits of dialogue and sometimes even whole ten-minute plays when I’m in the shower. It’s a good, creative place for me.) This tiny play had a beginning, middle and end and even a little bit of a point, so I typed it up and sent it in.

I then came up with a second little dialogue exchange. This one was pointless, just two people talking and not making sense. While I lean towards absurdist humor, this thing didn’t work well enough to even fit that definition. Still, I didn’t exactly know what Hunger Artists was looking for, so I typed it up and sent it in.

This second very, very short and futile play was the one they chose to produce.

I was surprised and a little disturbed. Again, I would never bad-mouth any theater company that chooses to do something I’ve written, but I really don’t think this thing is stage worthy.

I guess it was just unconventional enough to fit what they were looking for.

Here it is. I call this stellar piece of theater “Elusive Pizza.”

1: Where is the pizza pie?
2: The pizza pie is in my eye.
1: Why, oh why?
2: It burned too much upon my thigh.
1: My, my.

Illuminating, yes? I’m sure that, after reading this, we all know a little bit more about what it means to be human.

Tony Awards – I await your call.


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